Del Antonio

a writer of emotions

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Let’s Heal instead of Hoeing
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Del Mail
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Del Mail
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The Power of 1
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I just want to help someone
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Cutter
@Del Antonio
He use to be a cutter
Look at his left forearm
It doesn’t even blend in with his tattoos
You can still see the cuts on his arms
I asked him why
As I watched this big muscular man cry
He said he never chose to be gay
He never wanted to be gay
He said cutting himself was the only way
He was too scared to commit suicide
But cutting was the only way to release some of the pain inside 
I grabbed his arm
Feel the texture of his self harm 
I tried not to cry 
As he continued with his whys
He asked me what really happens when you die
He said I just want peace
Mental emotional stability
He said he was in rage
Against his sexuality
He could never live publicly
How he saw fit 
How he desired
He was talk gay is a sin
And his soul would only see fire
So he cried every day
Day in and day out 
He said that’s how these other cuts came about
I could tell these were old
And there were stories to be told
Why so much hurt 
For a heart so big
Why does he feel
There’s no reason to live
So he I’ve skate on life
Solely with his blade by his side
Cutting up his body to release
All the pain buried beneath
He began to yell and scream at me
He said he never even chose this
He said he fucked women just to prove 
That he was just as much of a man
As any other guy was too
He said he wasn’t a sissy or some faggot
And I could witness
He was, very masculine
But he had some questions for me
I didn’t even know why he was looking for help from me
He said if I committed suicide 
When I die
Would my soul meet constant fire
He said that’s the only thing that keep me from it
But cutting myself no longer does it
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He Said
©Del Antonio
He said it was like slideshows
Heart beating fast
Trying to digest now
On top of all of his past 
He said he could breathe
He could feel
Too much than he could bare
He just didn’t want to deal
He had reached a low point
Pointing out everything wrong 
What was love
The worst drug 
Craving it from everyone 
Family friends and special ones
He said he laid there in all his intelligence
He laid there with all his talents
He thought to leave a letter
For whoever whenever they found him
He said he just wanted to be happy 
He wanted to be reciprocated finally
Instead he said he got short changed
There was always a change
And he said I stuck and move
Put the life in cruise
Tried to relax and let it happen
Anything happen
Everything that could be of good
But he was always misunderstood
He said he was too smart 
For his counterparts 
He found the needle on the groove
Of his life his tainted life
He was gifted 
A leader of the blind
He said it was like slideshows
Pictures of his past
Heartache that had surpassed
Any and everything he ever felt
He decided to not leave a letter
No one ever cared anyway about how he felt
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I’m not the ComeBack Kid - if we kicked it and you couldn’t get it together ALL the times I asked, I’m so good today. I do the best disappearing act you ever seen.
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Not in a good head space
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